Falling out of love

Dear Courageous One,

In the romanticized world we live in, it’s common to be led by our feelings. To have been told to follow our heart. I’m guilty of giving that advice too. 

And yet, it’s the very thing that can get in the way of a successful marriage. The power we give to our feelings. The weight we allow them to carry. With little to no knowledge of where our feelings truly come from. 

Many have asked me this question before, “What if I don’t feel in love anymore? I love them but I’m not in love with them.” 

Here’s the thing… 

Our feelings change. They rise and fall like the ocean tide. They come and go like the sun and the moon. Moment to moment our feelings flow fluidly. 

Falling out of love is a fallacy. 

What most couples are challenged with isn’t maintaining their feeling of love in their relationship… although it’s what they think is wrong… what they are challenged with the most is this: 

Their thoughts. And their beliefs. 

Focusing on their spouse’s actions or inactions. Fixating on their miscommunication and misunderstandings. Filtered through a belief that they deserve better. That they want more freedom. That their spouse will never change. That happiness comes after leaving a toxic relationship. 

Ultimately leading to the feelings of distance and disconnect. 

Do you see it? I call it the cycle of insanity. The perpetuating pattern of toxicity we are trying to run away from isn’t because of our spouse. It’s not even because our feelings changed. It lives in our head. Not our heart.

And the only true way to finally feel at peace isn’t to follow your feelings. It isn’t to run away from your relationship. Peace is found through mastering your mind. 

So as the sun sets on another week, I invite you to notice the thoughts you’re thinking and beliefs you're believing that are creating distance and disconnect in your relationship. 

Until next time, keep questioning, keep challenging, and above all, keep loving fiercely.

Yours Truly,

Your Marriage Mindshift Coach