❤️‍🩹 Healing our hurts from past holidays

Dear Courageous One,

The holiday season has hastily arrived once again. My oh my, has 2024 flown by. But not without some major moments to remember. For many, there were some heartbreaking losses and also some life changing wins. A year of ups and downs. Highs and lows. Ebbs and flows.

The one steadfast thing though, is the many memories that come flooding back around all the festivities the end of the year brings. The hurt, the pain, the resentments, the frustrations. 

It’s a time where our society expects us to come together with love and laughter to reminisce on the “good ol’ times.” To be one big happy family and put aside all hard feelings.

But rather, I find stress, lack, loneliness, and sadness filling the air as the memories we wish would escape us, come back full force.

Does this ring true for you too? 

With the changing of the seasons, do you too feel the shift in energy from yourself or those around you?

In the past, when the holidays came around, I would remember all the ways my husband put others before me and our girls. I’d recall all the hurts and pains of our relationship. It would build and build. And I could fend it off for a while…

But in a moment of tiredness, frustration, hurt or even anger, it would all come flooding out. All onto my husband. A huge argument would erupt. A rift in our relationship. Yet another painful moment added to the pile. 

I felt more alone and lonely than ever before. The wonderful holiday season I promised myself I would have and desperately wanted to create for my children was broken again. All because I could forgive my husband. Because I couldn’t forget the hurt.

It wasn’t until I realized that I could change my own fate that everything began to change. 

And the way I did this was through the art of forgiveness. But more specifically, self-forgiveness. Although I was hurt and sad by the things Denver did and didn’t do, I was actually more upset with myself. 

A mentor of mine once told me, “All forgiveness is self-forgiveness.” And I learned that whenever you have a resentment towards someone outside of you, it was only a reflection of the resentment that lied within you. 

This profound shift changed everything. 

I realized the only way I would change my experience of the holidays was to go within and do the deeper work that only existed inside of me. 

So before the hustle and the bustle of the holidays really begin, I invite you to take some time to reflect. Ask yourself if there’s any part of you that you need to forgive about the past? Was there a moment you didn’t stand up for yourself when you wished you did? An overreaction or hurtful words that you said that you can never take back? 

Give yourself grace. Let go with love. And Embrace any emotion that rises up to be released.

Until next time, keep questioning, keep challenging, and above all, keep loving fiercely.

Yours Truly,

Your Marriage Mindshift Coach