Is the busyness of life wrecking your relationship?

Dear Courageous One,

When reflecting upon this past week, I noticed two things: the first was the busyness of life that lots of people are feeling right now and the second was how much it can take a toll on our relationship.

Can you relate? Have you been feeling the stress and strain of your day-to-day life? Feeling a little less tolerant? A little more irritable? And maybe feeling a bit more lonely? 

Well if that’s so, you’re not alone. 

I remember not long ago when normal life stressors really impacted my marriage. What’s for dinner? Who’s cooking? Did anyone do the laundry? The dishes? 

It all added up. And quickly.

The little things that I would overlook and tolerate became aggravating… irritating… infuriating. I’d snap at my husband for anything I could think of - the trash, the lack of support he wasn’t giving me with the kids, sitting and smiling at his phone on the couch. You name it, it annoyed me. 

And yet, what was I really upset about? Those things never bothered me when I was rested, relaxed, and felt loved. 

So were those really the issues I wanted to address? Back then, I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. I was overwhelmed and I was disappointed that I felt like I was failing… failing as a mom… failing as a wife… failing in life. 

What I wasn’t ready to admit at the time was that this build up was really from the fact that I continued to put others first. I prioritized the needs of those around me. And that took its toll. 

Let me ask you this, are you the person who puts everyone else first? Prioritizes the needs of others at the detriment of your own? Are you waiting for someone to take care of you the way you take care of everyone else? 

Well if you answered yes to any of these questions, this is your wake up call. This is a tough love letter that I’m sending you today. Put on your own oxygen mask first. 

Today, I’m happy to report that despite the stressors of life, Denver and I are doing amazing. This week, we worked as a team to support one another regardless of how tired we were. We stepped up and helped each other when the other needed it. 

But here’s the thing… The only reason we were able to do this is because we both prioritized our own needs first! We went to bed when we needed to. Denver went fishing with his friends. I played soccer this past Sunday.

So again, if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed this past week, or even longer than that, and it’s been impacting your relationship, I highly recommend putting yourself first! Take care of you. 

As we enter yet another weekend, what’s one thing you can commit to do for yourself? It can be small or big. But make sure it’s enough to help you relax, recover, rejuvenate, and reset for the week ahead. 

Until next time, keep questioning, keep challenging, and above all, keep loving fiercely.

Yours Truly,

Your Marriage Mindshift Coach